Step-by-Step Online Dating Guide
Making Real-World Contact
(Safety Part II)
Phone
You may find speaking to someone on the phone for the first time a little nerve wracking. You may have people eager to call you early on. I recommend not giving into this temptation until you are really comfortable with the person online first. There's no need until you are ready, and anyone who is truly interested will respect your wishes. When you are ready to give out your phone number, it's probably best to start with your cell phone number.
Ideally you will want to have their phone number first. This gives you control over the situation and is the safest. Ok, someone has to give his or her phone number first. It's best for the man to give the woman his phone number.
When you call someone, if you can, block your number from caller ID by dialing *67. This doesn't usually work on cell phones. If you don't block your number, the person will see it on his caller ID box and may be able to find out your address. If you can't do caller ID block, use a prepaid phone card; the caller ID number will be different from your own.
When talking on the phone, you should still remain cautious. You should have been honest throughout the whole online process, but has the person on the other end of the phone? Listen to them. Does what you hear on the phone match what you've been told earlier online?
If you're not comfortable on the phone, then you will probably be more vulnerable and less willing to say "no." Don't let anyone bully you. If you're not ready to give out your own phone number yet, be honest and stand your ground. Again, if they are interested and really do care about you, then they will understand.
Unless you're a really confident person, you may be nervous about the whole phone thing. That's natural and you shouldn't worry about it too much because there's a good chance the person on the other end of the line is experiencing the same thing! To give you a confidence boost, try writing a small outline of some things you'd like to talk about.
Having the other person's phone number means that you won't be called unexpectedly. Don't be a pest, but make a call or two when they're not expecting it. What was the reaction? If they are pleased to hear from you, that's an encouraging signal.
Hopefully things will continue to go well and you will become more relaxed - maybe even a little excited.
Meet when YOU are ready
The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level on online or telephone intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It's possible that your decision to keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you can't logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts.
Meet in a safe place
When you choose to meet offline, always tell a friend where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with your friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar restaurant or coffee shop is often a good choice), and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to move to another location, take your own car. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say goodbye.
Take extra caution outside your area
If you are flying in from another city, arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all times.
Get yourself out of a jam
Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you are in danger, call the police; it's always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behavior; your safety is much more important than one person's opinion of you.
While liars, cheaters and imposters certainly ply their craft on the Web, you'll also find them in nightclubs and offline dating services, cocktail parties or even sitting across from you at your local café. Regardless of where you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity, but a little caution will reduce your risk in matters of the heart.
